Goku's Impairement
by MrTennek
Summary: After a traumatic incident involving a Mexican restaurant and hot sauce, Goku is hospitalized and left without vision for the rest of his life.


DBZ - Goku's Impairement

(at a cheap Mexican restaurant)

Goku - (with a huge sombero and holding two shakers) AI YAI YAI, Eu gosto de plug minha extremidade traseira com bocais do homem!

Krillin - Goku, do you even know what you're saying?

Goku - Well no, but everything sounds great in Mehicano!

Krillin - You just said that you like to plug your butt with man nipples.

Gohan - Well then, I guess we can check this place off on the 'Don't Visit Again' check-list, eh Dad?

Waiter - Here are your ridiculously large and hot meals, Senoritas!

Gohan - Uh, don't you mean 'Seniors'?

Waiter - Listen you f-ing little f-ggot, just eat your g-ddamn dog-meat-- I mean, your deliciously cooked-- oh what the f-ck, it's dog meat. (leaves)

Krillin - Wow, that giant mouse with a paraqeet sure has a mouth, eh Gohan!

Gohan - What?

Krillin - Man, this LSD sh-t is good. (falls out of his chair)

Goku - (bites into his burrito, spurting hot-sauce into both of his eyes) OH THE SAUCE, IT BURNS! (falls out of his chair onto the ground) MY GOD, IT'S LIKE THE VERY FLAMING BILE OF SATANS BOWELS ARE ON MY EYES!  
Guy - Do you mind! Some of us are trying to enjoy a meal here!

Waiter - Sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave the restaurant at once. You're behaviour is not appropriate for--

Goku - AAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (goes crashing through the restaurant's window) (gets run over by a car, then hit by a cyclist, then peed on by a dog, then lynched by a mob, then thrown into a dumpster, then picked up by a dump-truck, then dropped and crushed in a trash-compactor, then pooped on by a bird)

Krillin - ...(looks around) (eats Goku's burrito)

(hours later at the hospital)

Krillin - Man, Chucky Cheese has really gone downhill since the new management came in.

Chichi - What!

Krillin - Oh God, I've got places mixed up again, don't I?

Vegeta - We're in a hospital you dolt!

Krillin - Well, how did you get here!

Vegeta - A wonderful little thing called 'a humorous twist', no doubt regards of the author. (shoots a death glare)

Doctor - (emerges from a room) Mrs. Goku?

Chichi - Yes, that's me.

Doctor - Ah, hello. Well, despite all of your husbands ridiculously extensive injuries to his body, he'll live.

Gohan - Wow, big surprise.

Author - (shakes his fist angrily)

Doctor - However, he will never see again.

Chichi - Oh my God! (bawls her eyes out)

Gohan - Now hold on a minute. My father was hit repeatedly over the head, beaten to a pulp, then crushed, and yet the only thing damaged was his eyes.

Doctor - Well yes, that hot-sauce is a bitch. By the way, where was your husband dinning out? My wife and I have had a real craving for south-american food lately, and well, we haven't found anything yet!

Krillin - Oh, I believe that name was 'Chico's Spicey Tamale' or someth--

Chichi - WHAT KIND OF DOCTOR ARE YOU!

Doctor - Well, I'm not really a Doctor at all. I'm actually the plumber here, I just dress up like this and pretend to be one for sh-ts and giggles you see. Now I must be off to clean the pipes once more! Ta-ta! (leaves)

Krillin - Man, I should've gotten that guys number. My pipes are clogged like there's no tomorrow.

Chichi - Goku may never see again, and you're thinking about your PIPES!

Krillin - Well yeah. (laughs) What's with her?

(in Goku's hospital room)

Goku - (laying in a bed with bandages all over his eyes)

Chichi - Oh my Goku, how are you doing?

Goku - Ah, I could be worse Chichi.

Vegeta - How so?

(long silence)

Goku - Anyways! I'm just glad you could all be here at my side.

Audience - BOO!

Author - Ahem.

Audience - Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Author - Fricking 'Rent an Audience'.

Chichi - So how are you feeling?

Goku - Quite happy Chichi-- I must say I'm feeling quite happy at the moment!

Chichi - Happy!

Goku - Well, I was thinking to myself, I could use this little 'impairement' of mine to my own advantage and profit from it!  
Then I can be like that guy who was blind and went on to be a prophet for all! What was his name, Johnny?

Gohan - Dad, that guy was deaf too.

Vegeta - And it wasn't even a real event; it was a rock-opera album by The Who!

Goku - Still...It could happen...

(Goku's imagination)

Music - He's a pinball wizard, there has to be a twist, a pinball wizard, he's got such a supple wrist!

Goku - (wearing huge glasses and a bad 70's haircut) Oh God, where's that pinball machine again? Over he-- (falls off stage and breaks his neck) AH, CHRIST!

Audience - Gasp!

Music - How do you think he does it? I don't know! What makes him so good?

Goku - Really, I'm hurtin' here people, SOMEONE GIVE ME A HAND!

(back at the hospital)

Goku - (out of it and drooling) No, don't hit me. FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, I'M A PINBALL WIZARD, THERE HAS TO BE A TWIST, HOW DO I HAVE SUCH SUPPLE WRISTS!

Chichi - Right...Um, so Doctor, will this 'impairement' of his happen to get us some extra tax money from the government each month?

Doctor - Wow, you are a total whore.

Gohan - You have no idea.

LOLZOR, HOW ORIGINAL!

(Goku's imagination)

Goku - See me, feel me, touch me, heal m-- OH SWEET MERCY, NOT DOWN THERE! I DID NOT GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO TOUCH ME THERE!

(back at the hospital)

Krillin - So then, since he's blind now, can I have those mondo-cool sunglasses of his?

Chichi - Just for saying mondo-cool, no.

Krillin - (starts crying) Ah Christ, WHY MUST I BE DAMNED WITH SUCH HORRID LINES!

Author - Because it's funny?

Krillin - YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME!

Author - Damn straight. (sips his martini)

(Goku's imagination)

Music - Did you ever see the faces of children, they get so excited! Waking up on christmas morning, hours before the Christmas sun's ignited!

Goku - OH BOY, CHRISTMAS! (runs off and falls down a flight of stairs) OH! OH F-CK! (lands head first on the ground) JESUS H. CHRIST!

Music - How can he be saved from the eternal grave?

Goku - Well after that last little comment, I doubt I can.

Man - Tommy can you hear me?

Goku - Yeah. And the name's Gok--

Man - Tommy can you hear me!

Goku - Yes, you're yelling into my ear-- OF COURSE I CAN HEAR YOU! I'm blind not deaf you dingba--

Man - Tommy can ya hear me!

Goku - STOP YELLING AT ME!

Man - Tommy can ya HEAR ME!

Goku - (crying uncontrollably)

(back at ze hospital)

Gohan - (goes up to Goku, pulls his eyelids open and fiddles around)

Chichi - Gohan, what're you--

Gohan - Look guys! (backs up)

Goku - (with criss-crossed eyes)

Chichi - (smacks Gohan) What did I tell you about doing that!

(Goku's imagination)

Music - Sickness will surely take the mind where minds can't usually go, come on the amazing journey, and learn all you should know!

Goku - Oh God, all these bright flashing lights and funky colours are-- (projectile vomits all over the place) BLAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!

Author - ALRIGHT! ENOUGH TOMMY PARODIES! CHRIST, YOU PEOPLE! (rubs his head and goes out for a smoke)

(back at the hospital)

Goku - (flies out of bed) AAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, NO MORE!

Gohan - Geez, what were you dreaming about this whole time? You kept mumbling about pinballs, getting touched, Christmas, and Roger Daltrey! Whatever your takin', I'd like some! (winks)

Goku - Oh God, classic rock albums, I hate thee! (lies back down) (stomach grumbles) Man, that beef in that burrito must really not be sittin' well in the old gullet. Ugh!

Gohan - Actually, it was dog-meat.

Goku - Oh no-- I'M ALLERGIC TO DOG-MEAT! (his head enlarges and explodes)

Chichi - ...

Gohan - I don't think any of us expected that to happen.

Krillin - Man, explodin' heads, this is some good sh-t!

Porky-Pig - (comes out of nowhere) Ab-da, ab-da, ab-da; that's all folks!

Vegeta - What the f--

(the looney tunes circle-thingy comes down, decapitating everyone in the process)

THE END!

Author - (totally drunk off his ass) That kid's got nothin' on me, I'm the real pinball wizard bitches! (falls out of his chair and goes into anaphylactic shock) 


End file.
